Hey Marla! First off, I think you did a very impressive of job of making this story your own. I think for starters, although I had already read the original story and knew what you were talking about in your Author's note, you might want to add a small summary of the story for people who don't know. I also enjoyed your addition of the Crane. I think he is great for bringing some humor and more drama. Another thing you might consider is changing the spacing of the writing itself for the blog page. If you like the centered theme then keep it, but the spacing made it slightly strange when waiting to see how the conversation would move forward. However, your use of dialogue throughout the story is honestly what makes the events come to life. I think you are on the right track with this story with your use of imagery and dialogue!
Hello Marla! I love your blog layout. I like how you made the story your own. I think you did a wonderful job of creating the story. I like the spacing and dialogue between your characters. It really animated the story! I think something happened when you were uploading the page, there are identical photos of the crocodile. I also like how you integrated original and new elements to the story. It made it more exciting! I look forward to reading more on your portfolio!
Hey Marla! I liked how you put your authors note in the beginning so i can start the story off by knowing the original story. I also like how i can know your intentions for writing this story beforehand. The story written by is very creative and i can tell that you put a lot of time and effort into writing this. Coming up with dialogues cannot be easy so great job portraying conversations between the characters.I feel like the spacing of the writing was bit weird. It wasnt hard to read but i got a feeling that it was maybe little bit spread apart? Overall good story and nice portfolio! Keep up the good work and i think if you continue what your doing now, you will do fine. Can't wait for your next story!
Your story was a fun one to read. Using Rapunzel made it feel much more familiar to me. I liked how you told a story within your story. Using the opening paragraphs as a preface, and then telling the story of Rapunzel within was a cool way to rewrite this. I enjoyed the layout of your story as well. It made each character feel like they were actually present. I did wonder why Rapunzel did not tell her own children, and instead told the story to her grand children.
I really enjoyed your story! I have found that using the structure of a well-known story is an effective way of writing a new one. I really liked the intro of the whole story. Starting from the future and then going back into a flashback made it feel a little more immersive for me. When you have the text “The Story” starting the flashback, you may want to consider replacing it with a horizontal line or something. I feel like it would make the transition from present to past a little smoother. Also there’s one other suggestion regarding the images you used. The resolution on them is just a little low and I think they could be more effective if you found a higher resolution version. I know it’s hard finding a high resolution image that is also labeled for reuse. But it’s just something to consider. Otherwise, great story!
Hi Marla! I really liked your story. I thought the idea of Rapunzel's secret life that she left behind her was an interesting take on the story. It was neat how you made it clear that she was nervous about telling even her young grandchildren. The story portion was an interesting take on the repunzel story. I was a little confused about Repunzel's relationship with the evil woman. In the original story, repunzel is like a captive, but in this version, it seems like repunzel has a lot of freedom. I think it would be need if you explored that relationship a little bit more. I was somewhat confused about the gambling in your story. Normally with gambling, both players or parties offer something, and the winner gets both things. I was confused about why the evil woman would offer the maximus wishes and land after she won the game, especially if she is supposed to be evil.
Hey Marla! After looking at your blog, I have noticed that you have written your introduction and your first story. I really enjoyed reading both parts, but there is one comment that I would like to make regarding your layout. It was a little bit distracting having a pixelated photo as your main blog photo. It might be best to get an image with a high quality. This would help enhance the appearance of your blog. I liked how you here able to draw a comparison between this epic and something more modern. It was a lot easier for me to understand the story by reading your take on the readings. Your author's note was also very explicit about who each character represented. This is important because you did not leave it open for interpretation. Overall, keep up the good work! Everything that I read I would not change because it was easy to follow and understand.
Hey Marla! Interesting idea combining a fairy tale with an Indian Epic. I think you made the two mesh well! Taking the theme of kidnapping and working around this common theme is a great way of staying true to the original source while making it your own! I like how you set up the story, but I would watch out for giving too much away. For example, Perhaps she should tell the children in the story about being kidnapped as an infant. Most people know the story of Rapunzel and don't need this information. For those who don't know can discover it in the story with the kids instead of just being told right off the bat. I would also say to watch out for verb tense. You seem to stick with the present tense most of the time, but then the past tense slips in. I tend to think the past tense is easiest to use in this context, but you can make the present tense work!
Hey Marla! First of all, I'd like to say, your story was really good. I think your paragraphs were a little to spaced out though. In the beginning the introduction has only one sentence but I think if you add the next few sentences to it, that would make it less spaced out. Same with the other paragraphs. I also noticed the alignment was different. Maybe you could align it to the left just so it looks nicer. The mix of dialogue with the narrative was good. I felt like I was watching the story. I like how Rapunzel was strong and not vulnerable. She actually demanded something from the evil woman holding her captive! I understand that she lived with Pandavas but it's unclear about whether they got married or if she ended up meeting someone else. I like how creative you were with this story. It was easy to tell it was about the part where one of the Pandavas gambled everything away. I'm a little confused about the horse though. Was he cursed? Why is he a horse? Does he turn into a human? There's not much information about Pandava. Your really good about making sure there aren't any run on sentences though. I look forward to reading your other stories!
I love that you incorporated Tangled into your story. It's one of my favorite animated movies! At first I had no idea what Indian epic you were going to tie into it, but once I read about the dice game it all became clear. I was a bit confused on who Maximus is. You mentioned him once in the story, but I don't really understand who he is or how he ties into the story, so for my suggestion I think it would be help the readers if you added some background information about him! Even just a quick sentence or two would be helpful. I also really enjoyed that your story had a much happier ending than the original, it makes it not so sad! Imagining a grandmother telling this to her grandchildren is so heartwarming too. Perhaps adding a few descriptive words about how she looks older would be good too. When she was young she had long hair, does she still have that long hair? I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future!
I enjoyed reading your story, Beyond the Tower! There is a lot of dialogue, which helps readers experience the plot in your story to another level through the characters and how they are feeling.
In terms of feed forward, I think proof reading again would help your project because there are a couple of grammatical errors I noticed that should be quick to fix. Also, is there a reason for the extra spacing between your paragraphs? I thought it was a bit excessive, especially since your paragraphs are relatively short.
Overall though, great job! Your story is very creative, especially with tying Rapunzel into the plot. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Nice to meet you Marla! I just finished reading your story "Beyond the Tower". I have to say this was a fun and enjoyable read due to the storie's light hearted fell and nature. There are a few things I would fix. The first would be to make the text not centered as it makes the story harder to read for the reader of the story. Also, you bring up maximus out of nowhere. This was the only time he was mentioned in the story. Maybe create a connection with maximus, which would allow the reader to have more felling towards the character. This would make for some good suspense in your story. Other than those two things, the story was pretty good and I look forward to you writing more of them. You should write another one that is formatted like a bedtime story, that would be a fun thing to do!
Hey Marla! First off, I think you did a very impressive of job of making this story your own. I think for starters, although I had already read the original story and knew what you were talking about in your Author's note, you might want to add a small summary of the story for people who don't know. I also enjoyed your addition of the Crane. I think he is great for bringing some humor and more drama. Another thing you might consider is changing the spacing of the writing itself for the blog page. If you like the centered theme then keep it, but the spacing made it slightly strange when waiting to see how the conversation would move forward. However, your use of dialogue throughout the story is honestly what makes the events come to life. I think you are on the right track with this story with your use of imagery and dialogue!
ReplyDeleteHello Marla! I love your blog layout. I like how you made the story your own. I think you did a wonderful job of creating the story. I like the spacing and dialogue between your characters. It really animated the story! I think something happened when you were uploading the page, there are identical photos of the crocodile. I also like how you integrated original and new elements to the story. It made it more exciting! I look forward to reading more on your portfolio!
ReplyDeleteHey Marla! I liked how you put your authors note in the beginning so i can start the story off by knowing the original story. I also like how i can know your intentions for writing this story beforehand. The story written by is very creative and i can tell that you put a lot of time and effort into writing this. Coming up with dialogues cannot be easy so great job portraying conversations between the characters.I feel like the spacing of the writing was bit weird. It wasnt hard to read but i got a feeling that it was maybe little bit spread apart? Overall good story and nice portfolio! Keep up the good work and i think if you continue what your doing now, you will do fine. Can't wait for your next story!
ReplyDeleteYour story was a fun one to read. Using Rapunzel made it feel much more familiar to me. I liked how you told a story within your story. Using the opening paragraphs as a preface, and then telling the story of Rapunzel within was a cool way to rewrite this. I enjoyed the layout of your story as well. It made each character feel like they were actually present. I did wonder why Rapunzel did not tell her own children, and instead told the story to her grand children.
ReplyDeleteHey Marla,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story! I have found that using the structure of a well-known story is an effective way of writing a new one. I really liked the intro of the whole story. Starting from the future and then going back into a flashback made it feel a little more immersive for me. When you have the text “The Story” starting the flashback, you may want to consider replacing it with a horizontal line or something. I feel like it would make the transition from present to past a little smoother. Also there’s one other suggestion regarding the images you used. The resolution on them is just a little low and I think they could be more effective if you found a higher resolution version. I know it’s hard finding a high resolution image that is also labeled for reuse. But it’s just something to consider. Otherwise, great story!
Hi Marla! I really liked your story. I thought the idea of Rapunzel's secret life that she left behind her was an interesting take on the story. It was neat how you made it clear that she was nervous about telling even her young grandchildren. The story portion was an interesting take on the repunzel story. I was a little confused about Repunzel's relationship with the evil woman. In the original story, repunzel is like a captive, but in this version, it seems like repunzel has a lot of freedom. I think it would be need if you explored that relationship a little bit more. I was somewhat confused about the gambling in your story. Normally with gambling, both players or parties offer something, and the winner gets both things. I was confused about why the evil woman would offer the maximus wishes and land after she won the game, especially if she is supposed to be evil.
ReplyDeleteHey Marla! After looking at your blog, I have noticed that you have written your introduction and your first story. I really enjoyed reading both parts, but there is one comment that I would like to make regarding your layout. It was a little bit distracting having a pixelated photo as your main blog photo. It might be best to get an image with a high quality. This would help enhance the appearance of your blog.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you here able to draw a comparison between this epic and something more modern. It was a lot easier for me to understand the story by reading your take on the readings. Your author's note was also very explicit about who each character represented. This is important because you did not leave it open for interpretation. Overall, keep up the good work! Everything that I read I would not change because it was easy to follow and understand.
Hey Marla! Interesting idea combining a fairy tale with an Indian Epic. I think you made the two mesh well! Taking the theme of kidnapping and working around this common theme is a great way of staying true to the original source while making it your own! I like how you set up the story, but I would watch out for giving too much away. For example, Perhaps she should tell the children in the story about being kidnapped as an infant. Most people know the story of Rapunzel and don't need this information. For those who don't know can discover it in the story with the kids instead of just being told right off the bat. I would also say to watch out for verb tense. You seem to stick with the present tense most of the time, but then the past tense slips in. I tend to think the past tense is easiest to use in this context, but you can make the present tense work!
ReplyDeleteHey Marla! First of all, I'd like to say, your story was really good. I think your paragraphs were a little to spaced out though. In the beginning the introduction has only one sentence but I think if you add the next few sentences to it, that would make it less spaced out. Same with the other paragraphs. I also noticed the alignment was different. Maybe you could align it to the left just so it looks nicer. The mix of dialogue with the narrative was good. I felt like I was watching the story. I like how Rapunzel was strong and not vulnerable. She actually demanded something from the evil woman holding her captive! I understand that she lived with Pandavas but it's unclear about whether they got married or if she ended up meeting someone else. I like how creative you were with this story. It was easy to tell it was about the part where one of the Pandavas gambled everything away. I'm a little confused about the horse though. Was he cursed? Why is he a horse? Does he turn into a human? There's not much information about Pandava. Your really good about making sure there aren't any run on sentences though. I look forward to reading your other stories!
ReplyDeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteI love that you incorporated Tangled into your story. It's one of my favorite animated movies! At first I had no idea what Indian epic you were going to tie into it, but once I read about the dice game it all became clear. I was a bit confused on who Maximus is. You mentioned him once in the story, but I don't really understand who he is or how he ties into the story, so for my suggestion I think it would be help the readers if you added some background information about him! Even just a quick sentence or two would be helpful. I also really enjoyed that your story had a much happier ending than the original, it makes it not so sad! Imagining a grandmother telling this to her grandchildren is so heartwarming too. Perhaps adding a few descriptive words about how she looks older would be good too. When she was young she had long hair, does she still have that long hair? I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future!
Hello Marla!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your story, Beyond the Tower! There is a lot of dialogue, which helps readers experience the plot in your story to another level through the characters and how they are feeling.
In terms of feed forward, I think proof reading again would help your project because there are a couple of grammatical errors I noticed that should be quick to fix. Also, is there a reason for the extra spacing between your paragraphs? I thought it was a bit excessive, especially since your paragraphs are relatively short.
Overall though, great job! Your story is very creative, especially with tying Rapunzel into the plot. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Nice to meet you Marla!
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your story "Beyond the Tower". I have to say this was a fun and enjoyable read due to the storie's light hearted fell and nature. There are a few things I would fix. The first would be to make the text not centered as it makes the story harder to read for the reader of the story. Also, you bring up maximus out of nowhere. This was the only time he was mentioned in the story. Maybe create a connection with maximus, which would allow the reader to have more felling towards the character. This would make for some good suspense in your story. Other than those two things, the story was pretty good and I look forward to you writing more of them. You should write another one that is formatted like a bedtime story, that would be a fun thing to do!